Autobiography of a Defect

Hello Nerds and Geeks and the ordinary. This is the DEFECT speaking. You may also know me by my other names like Bug, Error, Fault and so on. For some of you I am a small inconvinience and for some their worst nightmare. From the early days of huge mainframes I have been the number one on the most wanted list and has been living my life as a hunting target for decades. But now the time has come when the world must listen to the truth behind the veils.

I have been called by different name and all of them have been bad. But have you ever realised or even cared to think about me. Do you know where I was before you forced me to live in your code - waiting to be found, discussed, ignored, humiliated and killed. I am an unwelcomed entity but is forced to live in your requirements, code, network and many other places unheard of, just because of your misunderstanding, lack of knowledge or simple laziness.

What you dont realise is that ultimately I am blamed for all your follies. I am the first one to take blame for all the money lost in business. A plane crashed because there was a defect, money transaction was not complete because some idiot did'nt do his job properly. I dont like staying in your code but was invited, ignored and then blamed. Is this correct? I want justice!

Life was so cool before I was inserted into the code. After that I am living a life of misery - waiting in anticipation to be found, broken into pieces, discussed in meeting rooms and calls and ultiamtely killed. I try to give you hints about my presence in the code but ignore me in log files, you ignore me when I make your system slow. This only makes me more stronger and harder. And by the time you have noticed me I have done the damage. Many a times you just take a short cut and change my looks instead of killing me. You break me into pieces hoping that you have cured us, but alas this makes us more dangerous as now each of us are capable of doing more damage single handedly.

Dumped between millions of lines of code I wait for my rescuers - Testers. These are the guardian angels who have the power to excavate me from the deepest of codes. But now a days these angels have not been spared. They have been converted to automated robots who rather than finding me they follow some predefined steps. It is like you are thrown into a sea and a rescue boat is only following the route given to them and they ignore your desparate plea for help.

I am not a selfish guy and I will be very happy if you find me, discuss me meaningfully and make a conscious effort to remove me from the code so that your application works clean and everyones happy. As long as you have accessed the risk associated with me satying in the code, I can live there happily.

Please, I have no intention of mine to stay in your code or system. I am happy outside, so don't invite me. Some of us are bit naughty and will slip into your code uninvited. For those naughty defects, support our saviors - the testers to find me and not just create a robot to follow fixed steps. Remember, I am a defect buried in your code and waiting for you to find me. Please be aware of my presence and keep your eyes open.

Waiting to be found -

Yours DEFECT :)

Hilarious IT Cartoon

Wo Dekho Ek Software Engineer Jaa Raha Hai

This is a tribute to all Software Engineers. I got this beautiful poem buried among a huge stock of forwarded mails in my inbox.

“WO DEKHO EK SOFTWARE ENGINEER JAA RAHA HAI”

Apne project ke bojh tale daba jaa raha hai,

Wo dekho ek software engineer ja raha hai.


Zindagi se hara hua hai,

Par Bugs se haar nahi manta.

Apne application ki ek ek line ise rati hui hai,

Par aaj kaun se rang ke moje pehne hain, ye nahi janta.

Din par din ek excel file banata ja raha hai,

Wo dekho ek software engineer ja raha hai.


Das hazaar line ke code main error dhoond lete hain lekin,

Majboor dost ki ankhon ki nami dikhayi nahi deti.

Pc pe hazaar windows khuli hain,

Par dil ki khidki pe koi dastak sunayi nahi deti.

Week days ko nahata nahi, satuday-sunday ko naha raha hai,

Wo dekho ek software engineer ja raha hai.


Coding karte karte pata hi nahi chala,

Bugs ki priority kab maan-baap se high ho gayi.

Kitabon me gulab rakhne wala , cigerette ke dhuyen main kho gaya,

Dil ki zameen se armaanon ki vidayi ho gayi.

Weekends pe daroo peke jo jashna mana raha hai,

Wo dekho ek software engineer ja raha hai.


Maze lena ho iske to pooch lo,

Salary Increment ki party kab dila rahe ho.

Hansi udana ho to pooch lo,

Onsite kab ja rahe ho?

Wo dekho onsite se laute team-mate ki chocolates kha raha hai,

Wo dekho ek software engineer ja raha hai.


Kharche badh rahe hain,

Baal kam ho rahe hain.

Savings hoti nahi,

Income Tax ke sitam ho rahe hain.

Lo phir se bus choot gayi, auto se office aa raha hai,

Wo dekho ek software engineer ja raha hai.


Pizza gale se nahi utarta,

To Coke ke sahare nigal liya jata hai.

Office ki "Thali" dekh munh hai bigadta,

Maa ke hath ka wo khana baar roz yaad ata hai.

"Sprout bhel" bani hai phir bhi, free "Evening Snacks" kha raha hai,

Wo dekho ek software engineer ja raha hai.


Aapne ab tak li hongi bahut si chutikiya,

Software engineer ke jivan ka sach batati ye akhri kuch panktiyan.


Hazaron ki tankhwah wala, company ki karodon ki jeb bharta hai,

Software engineer wahi ban sakta hai, jo lohe ka jigar rakhta hai.

Hum log jee jee ke marte hain, zindagi hai kuch aisi,

Ek fauj ki naukri, doosri software engineer ki, dono ek jaisi.

Is kavita ka har shabd mere dil ki gehrayi se aa raha hai,

Wo dekho ek software engineer ja raha hai...

Hic Hic Hurray - Cheers

Have you ever noticed how a guy behaves or talk after getting drunk. I am sure you must have experienced yourself behaving this way or have seen some of your friends. Here are some of the common lines during and after drinking people commonly say. . .

Enjoy in true Spirits (hic hic hurray!)

• Tu to mera bhai hai…bhai
• You know i am not drunk
• Gaadi main chalaunga
• Tu bura mat maan bhai
• Mai teri dil se izzat karta hun
• Abe bol daal aaj usko, aar yaa paar
• Aaj saali chad nahi rahi hai kya baat hai?
• Tu kya samajh raha hai mujhe chad gayi hai
• Ye mat samajh ki peeke bol raha hun
• Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi padegi itnee
• Chhote, ek ek chhota aur ho jaye...lovely waala!
• Baap ko mat sikhao
• Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya
• Kuchh bhi hai par saala bhai hai apna
• Tu bol na bhai, kya chahiye? Jaan chahiye - hazir hai!
• Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi chadee, shart laga saala aaj tu
• Chal teri baat karata hoon usse, phone number de uska
• Saale teri bhabhi hai wo, bhabhi ki nazar se dekh usko
• Yaar tu samjha kar, wo tere layak nahi hai
• Chal bhai tu kah raha hai to tere liye bhool  gaya usko, aaj se wo teri. Bana issi baat par ek  ek aur peg!
• Tujhe kya lagta hai chadh gayi hai, abhi ek full aur khatam kar sakta hun
• Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai

And finally the best one . . .

• Salla . . . aaj se daru band . . .

NOKIA X2

It looks like Apple and Blackberry are giving Nokia a really hard time in the high end segment which have forced it to concentrate on its strong hold - the mid segment of the mobile market.The result is the recent announcement of X series range of handsets that too in India.Their latest offering is Nokia X2 which is slated to be launched in India in June.

Lets discover its features:-

 1. 2.2 inch QVGA display

 2. Dedicated music keys

 3. Dual speakers

 4. Bluetooth 2.1

 5. 3.5mm headset jack

 6. FM radio

 7. Weight 82 grams

 8. 5 mega pixel camera with 4x digital zoom

 9. LED flash

10. 48 MB internal memory - expandable upto 16 GB

11. Nokia Symbian 40 OS

12. Colors - Black/Red and Silver/Blue

Now comes the most important factor-price.As per the latest market reports from Nokia it is going to be priced under Rs.5000 (coooool) which makes it an attractive buy option.

See for yourself to decide-

For more information visit http://www.nokia.co.in/find-products/products/nokia-x2-00

Kashmir Trip - Sonamarg

Day 3 of our stay in Kashmir valley.Our next and last destination – Sonamarg, literally meaning ‘Meadow of Gold’.It is around 76 kms from Srinagar city, situated on an altitude of 2740m from sea level on the National Highway 1D which goes up to Ladakh through Kargil and Zoji La pass.Being much farther away from the city, we had to start early.Though we were able to start at around 11 only.This journey was quite unique as we started from the hustle and bustle of the Srinagar city and after crossing the city border the surroundings changed drastically.Open fields and fruit gardens could be seen everywhere.Apple,Pine,Chinar,Walnut trees could be seen on both side of the roads.Shawl and carpet making factories are also very common on the outskirts of the city.

After 2 hours drive, we could feel that temperature had fallen significantly and its bite could be felt inside the vehicle also.High mountains were visible in the distance with snow covered peaks.Road or rather lack of it, made the journey little painful.After an hour we reached a place called Gagangir which is 13kms from Sonamarg.NH-1D passes through it but remains blocked due to heavy snowfall at this time of the year.Here we had to hire winter jackets and snow boots as it is terribly cold and slippery in the snow.This cost us another 1500 bucks.

Riding on horse we headed for Sonamarg, but alas main Sonamarg city was cut off due to heavy snow so we went only up to Iceland Park which is 3 kms from Sonamarg.This park is just a small shelter area created for the tourists.Not satisfied we ventured deep into the snow covered road, falling again and again in the snow.It was really a beautiful moment to savor with the river flowing on one side and mountain range on other side.

We spent around 2 more hours in the snow playing and slipping around the snow.It never felt to us that temperature around us was way down -5 degrees something.Only once did i realized it when I tried to photograph the snow in my hand.Next moment I could not feel anything on my left hand as it was almost paralyzed in the extreme cold.Gloves are one of the most important inventions of mankind, i thought.

It was time to move on and we said good bye to Sonamarg.I am really looking forward to make one more trip here.By night we were in Srinagar but before that we visited the famous Hazratbal Dargah.We had next day flight for Delhi at 12.It was a trip which will be in memories forever.Though we could not visited some other places like Pahalgam but still wish to come back to see the beauty of mughal gardens and others in summer.Firdaus was right in saying - "yA firdaus barrUhe jamInast, hamInasto-hamInasto-hamInast" (If there's heaven/paradise on earth, it's here, it's here, it's here.)

Security at Srinagar airport is like nothing you have seen on any airport in India or abroad so it is advised to report as early as possible.By evening our flight landed at Indira Gandhi International airport in Delhi.Took another 2 hours to reach our flat in NOIDA.Laying on my bed I was thinking about the snow covered mountains, the Dal lake, the shikaras and the beautiful people back there...

Kashmir Trip - Gulmarg

26th Dec 2009, a chilly winter morning woke us early.Went outside our houseboat and a frozen Dal lake welcomed me.Its day 2 of our Kashmir trip and today we are heading to Gulmarg which literally means 'Meadow of Flowers'.It is around 50km's from Srinagar in Baramula district, situated on an altitude of 2730 meters.We had our breakfast and started our journey to Gulmarg at around 11AM.It takes more than 2 hours to reach Gulmarg as the condition of road is pretty bad.By 1PM we reached Tangmarg which is the last stop before Gulmarg.Tourists here take a break and then start for the mountains.

Suddenly the scenery changed.Our Tata Sumo was moving through a dense forest area and snow scattered after last nights rain could be seen everywhere.We were moving in a white zone with sun rays striking on the snow.Temperature was dropping like nothing.All around was white snow and large pine trees.

After half n hour of driving uphill we reached Khilanmarg which is a small valley surrounded by dense woods.From here we could see the entire stretch of the valley and to the end from where the mountain range starts.This large meadow was buried in deep snow and over it tourists were enjoying skiing and snowboarding.There is also a 18 hole golf course here, established in 1911, which is perhaps the highest golf course in the world.

The other attractions here are the Maharani Temple (remember Rajesh Khanna-Mumtaz  starer song 'Jai Jai Shiv Shankar'), an ice-skating rink and 150 years old St.Mary's Church.Now comes the main attraction of Gulmarg - 'The Gondola Cable Car'.This Cable Car which is also known as Gondola Lift takes tourists from Gulmarg to the top of the Kongdoor mountains.It works in two phases.The ticket for only first phase is Rs.300 and if you want to go to the top of the mountains then take a ticket of Rs.500.We had not much time so we opted for only the first phase and started for the gondola ride which passes over the pine forests and goes up to 3100 meters to the top.Be prepared for some adventure as the cable car regularly comes to a stop - hanging hundreds of feet above ground, due to power failure.

It seemed that we had reached a different world altogether.Looked like 'white' was the only color left in this universe.From here we had a unobstructed panoramic view of the mountains that surrounded us.There are few food n souvenir stalls here (yes you heard me right).Had a cup of chai to replenish our spirits and energy.
It was getting dark and time to move down as in few hours this place will be bone chilling and we had to be back to Srinagar before night falls.Sun was setting behind the mountains and it was quite a scenery to watch.We wanted to stay for few more hours but alas could not.Nothing much exciting happened on the way back to Srinagar and we reached our houseboat at around 9.Had some quick dinner(food was really good - far better than the expensive restaurants back in NOIDA or Delhi).This is how our day ended after an exhausting but extremely satisfying trip to Gulamrg.But wait... film to abhi baki hai mere dost... (to be continued)